Kristen Henderlong

I used to have really high expectations for myself.  In turn, I would hold high expectations for those around me.  The constant pressure to be viewed as good and perfect was my life.  It was my identity.

I would do everything in my power to be liked and perceived as sweet and innocent.  Though sometimes I would manipulate the circumstances, (especially when it came to my siblings) most of the time I genuinely tried to live up to the expectations.  I seriously strived for integrity.  I wanted to be an innocent person before God and others.

For a long time this worked.  To my knowledge, I was innocent.  I did everything “right.”  If I ever messed up or lost my cool, I would apologize and do whatever I could to make it right.  I would confess to whoever just to gratify my conscience.  I would mentally beat myself up so nobody else could.  I was ruled by guilt.

It was as if I didn’t need a Savior.  I didn’t view myself as a sinner because I was a ‘good person.’  The concept of making intentional, poor decisions did not exist in my mind.  It was not an option.  Sure, I could make mistakes, but mistakes are unintentional.  To me, that was normal.

As we grow older, obviously temptations are more prevalent.  We are exposed to more of the world.  Our desires grow and change.  There’s only so much the ‘moral compass’ can do.  Lines blur, gray areas grow, boundaries are hard to grasp.  Then one day—a choice is made—an intentional choice to do something wrong.  But is it really wrong?  It feels good in the moment, but the shame quickly sinks in.  Shame leads to insecurity and fear, which leads to hiding and running from God.  A cycle begins and one day we wake up wondering how we got here?

It’s all a ploy of the enemy.  It’s exactly the route he wants you on.  Whatever it takes for you to turn away from the One who LOVES you.

I think of a verse in 1 John, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear expects punishment. The person who is afraid has not been made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18 emphasis added).

Jesus wants to perfect His love in us to transform us and make us confident in Him.  We have authority over the enemy if we belong to Jesus.  

Morality in my own strength only produced fear and arrogance in me. It chained me to my guilt and kept me from seeing what really matters.  It made me think punishment was the worst that could happen to me, when the actual worst thing is separation from God… separation from true love.

I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say, “Just try to be a good person and that’s enough.”  I used to agree.  But God calls us to so much more!  Jesus Himself said, “Why do you call me good?…only God is truly” (Mark 10:18).

Notice how I specifically said just ‘try’ to be good?  That’s where the beauty happens because when you know you are loved by God, you don’t have to ‘try’ to be anything.  You don’t have to strive or earn His love, His favor, His presence, His comfort, His power… You only have to receive.  It’s already been given.  What Jesus did for us is already done.

On another note: we do not have to ‘try’ to be good because God called us good when He created us.  Read Genesis chapter 1—it’s all there.

So what does this look like practically?  How can we stop trying and just receive?

The first step is simple: talk to Jesus about it.  By turning to Him, talking to Him, you are already practicing letting go.  When our attention is on Him and not on our striving, we are receiving Him.

Let His love change you.  Let His new mercies every morning transform you.  Let His presence be with you.

And remember: You are LOVED.