Kristen Henderlong

It’s a really big world out there.  So many people.  So many cultures, ideas and stories to tell.  When I think about it all, I feel so small.  I am a nobody in this great, big, ever changing world.

Not only do I feel small, but sometimes I also feel overwhelmed.  Uncertainty and fear overtake me in an instant when I hear stories of injustice and pain.  The media is never-ending with tragedy after tragedy of hurt people hurting people, disasters and destruction.

Though I feel small and quite helpless in the face of it all, I believe every individual has the capacity for BIG dreams and BIG purpose.  We are small, but capable of SO much.

Even though I feel small, I believe if the world is so big, the universe- infinite, there MUST be a BIG God who created it and has infinite possibilities for each of us.  It all starts with our acceptance of Him and whether we are willing to receive His reality.

I wrestle with this on the daily.  There’s so much noise around me; so many distractions that are not the voice of God.  When I say the voice of God I simply mean any sign of Him that becomes apparent to me.  I have never heard an audible voice, but I feel Him like a stirring in my chest or a tugging towards something visual.  He also obviously speaks through His Word, we understand as the Bible.

I posted a reel on instagram a while ago.  Some of you may have seen it.  I believe one of the ways God has spoken to me is through feathers.  I tend to come across them often.  I am never looking for them when they appear.  They always seem to be right in my path when I am out for a run or walk somewhere. Over the last couple years I have tried to take pictures of them when I find them because I believe it’s a testimony of God’s presence and I figured it could bring hope to someone who is doubting.

The feathers are a reminder to me that God is with me.  They bring to mind this verse from Psalm 91, “He will cover you with His feathers; He will shelter you with His wings.  His faithful promises are your armor and protection” (Psalm 91:4).

In a world where things seem so out of control and overwhelming- this verse comforts me deeply.  It gives me courage and strength.  He is my rock I can lean on.  He protects me.

I know there are so many people who say they believe in God and even will identify as a Christian, but deep down they struggle with doubt and fear.  If you are one of those people I hope you know it’s totally normal to question.  And I believe God is a big guy, He can handle it.  I believe He is kind and doesn’t hold it against you for questioning Him.  His heart is to know you and give you His pure, unfailing and never-ending love.  

I promise if you continue to look to Him and ask Him to reveal Himself to you, He will…because He is THAT good.

I am just like you.  I have days when I doubt a lot.  I question God all the time.  I even get mad at Him.  I’ve learned it’s better to be real with Him than to be in denial or pretend everything is fine because He sees right through it all.  He knows me whether I want to be known or not.  He created me.  He knows me better than I know myself.

The times I have been mad at Him, if I sit down and reflect on my feelings, my anger is usually because of my inability to understand.  I get so frustrated when I do not understand the fear, the hurt or the pain I feel.  I get so frustrated when I do not understand the injustices I encounter.  And if I could just let go of the grip on my perception of pain and receive the reality of God’s unfailing and perfect love, maybe I wouldn’t feel so burdened.  

I have learned it is ok to fully feel pain.  It’s when we begin to identify with it that it becomes a problem; when we start to believe it’s who we are and all we will ever know— that’s when the darkness closes in.  But God is light.  John 4 verse 11 says “The [His] light shines in that darkness and the darkness HAS NOT overcome it” (John 4:11 emphasis added).

When I say the “darkness” it could be anything.  It doesn’t necessarily have to be pain or fear.  It could be any kind of hinderance in your life that keeps you from knowing “how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is” (Ephesians 3:18).  It could be distractions.  It could be regret or bitterness.  It could be negativity.  It could be stress, doubt, shame, guilt, addiction or anger.  It could even be things like boredom, ungratefulness, arrogance, or manipulation.

The truth is, the world is full of tragedy and destruction because it’s full of billions of people who are lost and hurting.  Hurt people hurting people.  The constant power struggle compounds into bigger and BIGGER problems of injustice.  Not to mention the enemy of our souls orchestrating and systemizing the evil into more than we could individually comprehend.

But God is bigger.  He makes everything new (Rev. 21:5).  He brings beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:3).  He brings dry bones back to life (Ezekiel 37:1-14).  He shines a light in the darkness (John 1:5).  He heals the sick and gives sight to the blind (Psalm 146:8; Matt. 11:5).  He raises the dead (John 5:21; 11:25).  He defeated the grave (1 Cor. 15:55-58).  He created the universe just by speaking (Gen. 1:3-26).  His power is matchless (Nahum 1:1-7).  His love, unfailing (Psalm 36:5).  His glory, unrelenting (Psalm 19:1).  He is an all-consuming fire of justice and mercy (Hebrews 12:28-29).  Nothing can stop Him (Isaiah 54:17; Matt. 8:26-27).

With God’s BIG love flowing inside of us we will absolutely have the capacity for BIG dreams and BIG purpose.  Nothing can stand against us and nothing can stop us.  This big, scary and changing world doesn’t seem so big and overwhelming when we have the God of the Universe on our side.  

Remember: You are so loved.