Kristen Henderlong

It’s a really big world out there.  So many people.  So many cultures, ideas and stories to tell.  Sometimes I feel so small when I think about it all.  I am a nobody in this great, big, ever growing world.

Even though I feel small, I believe every individual has the capacity for BIG dreams and BIG purpose.  We are small, but capable of SO much.

Even though I feel small, I believe if the world is so big there MUST be a BIG God who created it and has infinite possibilities for each of us.  It all starts with our perception of Him and whether we are willing to receive His reality.

I wrestle with this on the daily.  There’s so much noise around me; so many distractions that are not the voice of God.  When I say the voice of God I simply mean any sign of Him that becomes apparent to me.  I have never heard an audible voice, but I feel Him like a stirring in my chest or a tugging towards something visual.  He also obviously speaks through His Word, we understand as being the Bible.

I posted a reel on instagram recently.  Some of you may have seen it.  I believe one of the ways God has spoken to me is through feathers.  I tend to come across them often.  I am never looking for them when they appear.  They always seem to be right in my path when I am out for a run or walking somewhere. Over the last couple years I have tried to take pictures of them when I find them because I believe it’s a testimony of God’s presence and I knew it could bring hope to people.

I know there are so many people who say they believe in God and even will identify as a Christian, but deep down they struggle with doubt and fear.  If you are one of those people I hope you know it’s totally normal to question.  And I believe God is a big guy, He can handle it.  I believe He is kind and doesn’t hold it against you for questioning Him.  His heart is to know you and give you His pure, unfailing and never-ending love.  

I promise if you continue to look to Him and ask Him to reveal Himself to you, He will…because He is THAT good.

He is THAT good.

I am just like you.  I have days when I doubt a lot.  I question God all the time.  I even get mad at Him.  I’ve learned it’s better to be real with Him than to be in denial or pretend everything is fine because He sees right through it all.  He knows me whether I want to be known or not.  He created me.  He knows me better than I know myself.

The times I have been mad at Him, if I sit down and reflect on my feelings, my anger is usually because of my inability to understand.  I get so frustrated when I do not understand the fear, the hurt or the pain I feel.  I get so frustrated when I do not understand the injustices I encounter.  And if I could just let go of my grip on my perception of the pain and receive the reality of God’s unfailing and perfect love, maybe I wouldn’t feel so burdened.  

I have learned that allowing yourself to feel the pain is ok.  It’s when we begin to identify with it that it becomes a problem; when we start to believe it’s who we are and all we will ever know— that’s when the darkness closes in.  But God is light.  John 4 verse 11 says “The [His] light shines in that darkness and the darkness HAS NOT overcome it” (John 4:11).

When I say the “darkness” it could be anything.  It doesn’t necessarily have to be pain or fear.  It could be any kind of hinderance in your life that keeps you from knowing “how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is” (Ephesians 3:18).  It could be distractions.  It could be regret or bitterness.  It could be negativity.  It could be stress, doubt, shame, guilt, addiction or anger.  It can even be things like boredom, ungratefulness, arrogance, or manipulation.

So even though I feel small, I am going to start small by simply surrendering my perception of God and opening my heart and mind to believing His reality… which is pure, perfect, unveiling, fierce and all consuming love.

With God’s BIG love flowing inside of me I will absolutely have the capacity for BIG dreams and BIG purpose.  He is offering it to you, too. Will you receive?

Remember: You are so loved.